Thursday, October 24, 2013
In between homes and living in this "canyon" on Greenwood Lane has created a kind of stand-still feeling that has begun to feel uncomfortable recently. I'm not good at standing still and I don't ever want to get good at it! I decided that I needed to jump into action and dance.
The mad search for my old dance bag began. The contents of the first one I found are pictured above. High heel dance shoes and knee pads! Can you imagine? I could barely bend over after this class I had just taken and there were those knee pads staring up at me. Tears sprang to my eyes as I stared at these archeological findings of my youth. I closed the bag and reminded myself that I'm not going back but going forward. When I found my next dance bag, it looked more friendly; low-heeled shoes and a knee brace. I smiled and felt hope!
My motto in this process is simple: no excuses, just go to class. This is my 2nd week and I still want to cry each time I finish class--happy tears because I'm doing something good for myself and sorry tears because I hurt so much. The emotion lasts for a few minutes and then I remind myself to be kind, to take two Motrin and to head home to a hot epsom salt bath. I've never taken yoga, but it is now my good friend as it helps me put myself back together on my off-dance days. With all of this, I'm finding my way out of the "canyon" so to speak!
I like the quote: "Never stop looking for what's not there." In the case of subliminal vs. conscious, I am working to keep my eyes open to life's silver lining opportunities. They are the there in the what's not there! In light of that, I kept hearing a voice say, if you are so uncomfortable, then move! So, I'm doing just that--moving again!
Friday, October 18, 2013
Finally, in a very deep sleep, I dreamed of him. It has been two years since he left us to travel the heavens and light the stars and whenever he comes to visit me in my dreams, I am grateful.
I miss him.
It was night when the gathering outside finished and I returned to the table to make sure all the candles had been extinguished. The crickets were in full chant and there was a bit of a chill in the night breeze. The chill moved around me starting from my toes and finishing near my shoulders--it made my shoulders lift and my head look up to the stars. Before I could register it, he was standing next to me. I'm never startled by these visits; they seem quite natural. He had a small box with him and as he put it in my hand he said, " I need your help. Open the box!" I lifted the lid slowly and inside was the most beautiful round cut, pale blue stone I had ever seen. In its center was a sunset pink color that swirled like liquid and I wondered if I was looking at a piece of heaven. He asked me to take it and put it on her finger... that in doing so, it would allow him to come home. He wanted to come home. I took the box in my hand and we smiled at one another lovingly.
While the dream ended there, fragments of it have stayed with me for days. We have all been far from home at some point, wanting to get back--dreaming of all that is home. As I continue to search for my own understanding of it, I imagine a place where all the hearts of our loved ones gather-- a kind of love compound where we can visit at will. Whether it's a night lit by candles or a day warmed by the sun, we can travel there as long as our hearts and minds stay open to all those we love.
Dream! Let your heart be the box... open it and travel home.